|
My Anti-Mugging Device Is A Flame-Thrower Nothing much to report about the party. Can you believe that? Well I quite enjoyed it actually because there was no creepy director sleazing onto me and no creepy dude from research asking me every five seconds �So, how you doing?� The party was totally devoid of sleaziness (on the part of others, I was throwing a fair bit of it around mind you) and I didn�t get a taxi home so there was no creepy taxi driver stories either. There was the drunk bloke who came up to me on Central station saying �Marco� and putting his hand out, to which I couldn�t resist but reply �Polo�. Oh yes, I am just the funniest person on earth, am I not? HA! There was more banter but frankly all I can remember is him majorly rocking himself and me telling him I�m engaged and if he didn�t stop sleazing onto me I�d break his jaw. Ah, the art of subtlety of which I am obviously not a student. I lied and told him my name was Jean (which due to his accent he kept pronouncing Gin) and spoke in a freaky type of stoner voice which I was hoping might make him go away when he discovered that no good conversation could come from this. I didn�t work. But it did manage to make me feel rather sleepy in the process. Anyway, yawn, who cares about Marco, right? Good. So I made a deal with myself and decided to walk home from the train station when it stopped at my usual stop. First I thought that I better change my bright pink party dress (medieval, low-cut, screaming out TAKE ME!) and put on some sensible jeans and shirt. That ought not to attract too much attention at two o�clock in the morning. So I settled down at the bus stop seat and as people walked past I did my little Just-Calling-Home-And-Getting-Someone-To-Pick-Me-Up dealio. There seemed to be quite a few people getting off that train, but when it finally cleared out I removed my FMBs and put on some thongs. I then pulled the jeans up under my dress and then sat down and waited for some more train-loving people to pass me. I just did the It�s-Two-O�clock-In-The-Morning-And-I�m-In-A-Darkened-Street-With-No-People-For-Miles smile as the people walked by. Then I hitched my dress up over my head and heard a slight noise. Just the rustling of the leaves in the trees I tell myself not being able to see through the velvet and lace that was stuck over my eyes. Flung the dress off and quickly put on my shirt. Then tried not to blush furiously at the old fella over the other side of the road who was looking at me. I cringed as he spoke but to my delight this was all he said �Won�t be getting a bus this late, love.� I thanked him and assured that I�d be getting a lift, the person was just taking a while. When he�d disappeared into the unknown I started walking home. By the time I�d reached the main road and just ten minutes from home I decided to put into action my Don�t-Even-Think-About-Attacking-Me-Or-I�ll-Burn-Your-Eyebrows-Off plan. I took out my spray on deodorant and my lighter and held them in front of me as a sort of pseudo flame-thrower and walked down the main road making sure that I�d be fully aware if people were lurking in the shadows. Of course this is a totally fool-proof plan against kidnappers and muggers but it doesn�t do so well when a car comes barreling out of nowhere. All said and done I reached home safe and only slight windblown from the near miss with the car. Woke up feeling like absolute crud. Mum told me Smit had trotted out of the room that morning with my bra hanging off his tail. She started laughing which made him wag his tail and much merriment ensued. Even after that story to cheer me up I still felt like crud. Sorry for the long entry, I know it�s a hard slog. Still feeling slightly cruddy Tyd 18 December 2001 - 5:17 pm |
Tyd Links Missed These? Other Bloggers Title Banner Layout by Tyd |
