Stand Back She's About To Blow...Her Nose

Well, I kind of exploded at work yesterday. Exploded in a rush of tears, yelling and throwing of my mouse. It wasn�t a pretty sight. It�s that cumulation of everything that has ever existed and my brain went �Nah uh, I don�t think so love. You ain�t getting through this without bawling your eyes out in the bathroom and then later getting a phone call and bursting into tears at your desk and then screaming obscenities at your monitor and throwing the mouse around a bit� I�ve never known my brain to be so specific and of course it was exactly right. The funniest thing? The boss didn�t even notice. In all my pain I kinda noticed he didn�t notice. What a silly head.

So after spreading copious amounts of phlegm and salt water over the papers on my desk I managed to compose myself and call the boss in Melbourne to tell her I was having difficulties in dealing with the workload. I didn�t realise how much I was shaking until I had to plug in the phone number and my fingers were dodging all over the place. So crisis averted and the Sydney boss and I sat down to have a nice little convo this morning over coffee and hot chocolate. We wrote down all the things I do every day (gee it�s a lot) and also all the things that take up too much time and are giving me stress headaches etc.

Now I�m in the frame of mind that everything is possible and that I can just ask for help if it gets too much for me. I�m a very proud person so I don�t like to ask for help which is why I tend to have an explosion of emotion every year or so. Last year it was a personal breakdown and this year it was 3 and a half years of work crap. I just keep smiling to myself and thinking �Aw shucks�. Plus I look at the Cladagh ring that Elmo got me on Monday and I get all giggly and smiley and stuff. I kiss it before I go to bed, silly eh.

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Tyd

13 June 2002 - 12:00 pm

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