So I was on the train last night going home from a rather dull day at work which was livened up by my consuming of copious amounts of Skittles and the sudden reaction to a sugar overload. WAH HOO!! So I was sitting on the train listening to Savage Garden, reading a book on Scandinavia and wondering just how cool I looked in my new glasses when this bloke walks up. I was sitting on the seat that is next to the door, that has the sign, that contains the warning, that is the house that Jack built. Sorry, nursery rhyme flash back. I was sitting next to the door to the guards carriage and this bloke walks up to it and starts trying to turn the handle and bangs on the door and looks like a dork doing it. I figured he must have been drunk on the can of Lemon & Lime Mineral Water he had clutched in his hand. I diverted my eyes but I wasn't quick enough. He ambled over to me and crouches down to my level while indicating that I should take out my earphones to listen to what he has to say.

"Can I ask you a question?"
Very wary look "Uh huh"
"I work for a large company, ah Microsoft, and I've been making a lot of money lately and I was wondering if I could offer you a thousand dollars cash..."
Dodging his 'I smoked a carton of cigarettes in the last hour' breath I gave him a raised eyebrow.
"Oh no, it's not for sex. I was just wondering if you'd hang out with me for a couple of hours"
"I really gotta get home" - pure genius that line
"Come on, maybe we'll see a movie or something? Dinner?"
Pull up left hand, point to ring "Ah, see that?"
"Oh, you married or something?"
"Engaged actually" - watch me lie through my arse, my ears and every other part of my body I can lie through
"You can call him, tell him I'm not going to touch you or anything"
"Ah, no. I really don't think so"
"Is it cause I'm not good looking enough for you?"
"No, it's cause you're a complete stranger"
"Okay. You're really beautiful you know that?"
"That's not gonna work"
He stood up and put out his hand, I thought to shake. "May I kiss your hand?"
"Okay, whatever"
As he left the train the Chinese dude sitting down further from me witnessed a weird look from me and then watched me wipe my hand off on the wall. He smiled a little to himself.

About three stops later I just burst out laughing. I have five theories about this guy.

1. He was a counterfeiter that was trying to off-load some supplies.
2. He was one of those escaped mental patients from that Brisbane hospital.
3. He had just robbed a bank and was getting rid of the evidence.
4. It was a low budget version of Candid Camera...without the camera.
5. He really did work for Microsoft, he really did have $1,000 and he really was that sad that he had to pay a woman to go to the movies with him cause he didn't have a date for Valentine's Day.

My credit card is in mourning over my turning down $1,000

Tyd15 February 2002 - 9:16 am

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