Never Sneeze When A Cat Is Fast Asleep In Your Lap

Something I learnt last night. You know how Mac hasn�t done anything cute or funny lately? Well last night he just topped himself. Well for me it wasn�t so funny as excruciatingly painful, but hey, if it was on Funniest Home Videos I would have laughed my butt off.

There I was just minding my own business watching the Sunday movie and Mac was looking so sweet with his eyes squeezed shut and dribble coming out of his mouth (okay so that wasn�t adorable). A particularly suspenseful part of the movie had just happened and Bruce Willis shot the bloke to smithereens when I needed to sneeze. If only the Jaws music had been playing at the time would I have decided sneezing was not a good idea.

So I ahchoo and then Mac�s reflex action sets in, his right paw comes up with claws out and smacks me hard in the face � right in the eye. I start to scream imagining that he�s ripped my eyeball out and it�s hanging off the end of his index claw as he tears around the room. I managed to wake Dad up with the screaming and Mum came running in from the kitchen. I raced to the bathroom all the while praying he didn�t puncture my eye. I became mesmerised in the mirror by the fact that I had a trickle of blood running down the side of my nose. I thought it looked cool and Mum and Dad are standing there telling me to take my hand off my eye to see if there was any damage. I slowly removed it and � a big fat nothing. A little red maybe but nothing. Disappointing on one hand I could have bragged about it for weeks but also very relieving. As the bit around my eye still hurt I was hoping for a black eye tomorrow and I could tell everyone my cat punched me. He�s got a mean right hook.

Raced to the bathroom this morning and again � a big fat nothing. Not even swelling. Grrr. Last time I turned up to work with a black eye I told them I �ah�um walked into a door� in a very quiet tone. Truth was I was as pissed as a fart and had been lying face down in someone�s backyard when I got kicked in the face. Hey it broke my nose too so that�s always a bonus. The blood/alcohol content helped limit the pain factor.

Taking my hayfever nose spray seriously in future

Tyd

PS - Thinking of giving Mac his own Advice Column - Ask Mac. What do you think? Will it take off like Jeb's Funnypics ? Yeah, I'm with you, I think not. Just not that popular I'm afraid

30 July 2001 - 1:37 pm

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