Although a lot of the time I have horrible dreams that I don�t have control over I�ve been pleased that I didn�t have a slew of �trying to save him or touch him but can�t� dreams after Smit died as I did with Bootsie. Not so much pleased, as relieved I guess. It�s terrible to wake up after a dream of struggling to save someone you�ve lost and having it sit on your heart all day.

I have dreamt about him though...and it�s always good. Or at least happy. It�s either a dimensional portal or a place that isn�t quite on our plane of existence where he is. And he�s happy and he�s just like he was before he got sick. He�s running around and having fun and he speaks to me, through his mind. He tells me about his day and how he misses us and how he�s never far away if I need to see him.

In my last dream I was at an amusement park and he was in the Haunted House ride, hiding in a cupboard and just waiting for me or another member of the family to pop by to say hello. He came running out and licked my face and I hugged him so tightly. I wanted to spend forever in there. But then Smit �told� me that Dad was outside and I should let him in too cause he really wanted to see him.

It felt so real...and my Dad was so elated to see him again. We were there for what felt like hours and we were all so excited to be together and to know that he wasn�t really gone, just out of our reach sometimes.

Call me mental, but I think, somehow, it�s really him in my dreams. Lucky no one else is in the office today, I�m sobbing all over the keyboard! :~)

His last �words� to me before I woke up were: �I�m always here if you need me, I�m just a thought away.�

Tyd

30 July 2003 - 1:31 pm

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